Aliquis ut me conservat
by myangelicmercy
Summary: Prompt challenge. An Ancient Rome story about love, betrayal and intrigues. Castiel is a philosopher close to the Roman emperor and Dean is a Praetorian guard assigned to guard him. Dean/Cas AU slash. Mature content.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Aliquis ut me conservat 1/?

**Author: **Zri, aka angelicmercy

**Rating**: R, later chapters NC/17

**Genre and/or Pairing:** Dean/Cas, angst, AU

**Spoilers: **nope

**Warnings:** slash, drama, schmoopy

**Word Count:** WIP

**A/N:** This crazy story was inspired by a costume kink challenge at the_pornthenon at LiveJournal. It's long overdue since I have way too much stuff to do with uni. =/ But here it is. Finally. Betaed by **caz2y5** who inspired even more togasmex and made absolutely amazing fanart for the fic!

**Summary: **_Castiel is a philosopher in Ancient Rome, the emperor Commodus' best friend. He sits at his right side and offers moral guidance as well as friendship. One day Commodus decides to assign Castiel with his own Praetorian bodyguard to protect him as the emperor's enemies gather up. Already at the start, Dean realises Castiel isn't like the rest of the citizens of the Rome. Actually he isn't like anybody he ever met. The heat between them is something neither of them can fight and soon they fall for each other. But the fate is not on their side as Castiel is to marry Commodus sister Livia and forget his love for Dean._

_"I lie at your feet and die in your arms."_

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE**

_The air was humid and filled with dust. Everything was buzzing with energy, cheers and screams bursting through the air. The games were about to start and people were getting restless. Castiel didn't know what all the fuss was about. Mostly because this was pointless bloodshed in the name of fun. But people needed their fun. It was what kept the angry crowd happy and not at the throat of the ruling Senate and the Emperor. The same man Castiel answered to. Commodus was still young and the death of his father, the great emperor Marcus Aurelius was still fresh in the minds of the crowd. _

_Commodus was nothing beside generous, working hard on making Rome and the people happy. Even making the harsh and ever manipulative senators happy bastards. He understood well how it all worked. And Castiel… Oh, he was his advisor. He inherited the spot his father had at Marcus Aurelius side. So they both had something in common. Their youth and the fact that they lost their fathers. Now they had to live up to the heritage they left them. Castiel knew that a lot had changed in the young emperor when he was still a child and lost his twin brother. Marcus Aurelius had been worried about his mental state so he told Tiberius, Castiel's father to bring his own son to play with young Commodus._

_So there was the beginning of the story. The real background of the reason why Castiel sat at his emperor's right side and watched the bloodshed. He didn't enjoy it and Commodus knew, but Castiel went anyway to appease his emperor. And in some way, he knew Commodus was grateful for the sacrifice. _

"_Oh, my dear friend. You do not look like you're having fun." _

_Suddenly Castiel gazed at the warm smile of the young emperor and smiled back at him. _

"_My lord, these games do not appease my inner self. They are too brutal." He says calmly, not wanting to offend. _

"_Ah, yes. I always seem to forget you philosophers have a soft mind. And a rather sensitive stomach." Commodus joked with him and Castiel smiled at him. _

"_You are quite right, my lord. I cannot seem to enjoy the victorious battles as much as you do." Castiel spoke and a memory of the last triumph Commodus accomplished flashed before his eyes. _

_Rome loved him, adored him for it. For the great treasures he brought and the land he conquered. The Senate was glad because he was so accomplished at keeping it and sharing the wealth with them. But not everything was perfect. There were also bloody battles that he began. Which made him an enemy in some people's eyes._

"_No, you do not." He saw his emperor frown. "Oh, I do fear for your life sometimes. You do not do well with battle."_

_Castiel would have been insulted, but how could he be a hypocrite and get insulted when someone told him the truth? He truly was not up for battle. His own views were one of a enlightened philosopher. A great thinker and a knowledgeable man who is well read and does not get his hands bloody._

"_My lord, I feel honoured by your concern, but I do not think you should concern yourself with it." Castiel shook his head solemnly, knowing that the emperor was right to be concerned. ( concern?)_

_The crowd suddenly took to cheer wildly and both of them gazed at the arena. The blood was spilled once again as three gladiators laid dead on the ground, their bodies torn by the wild and exotic animals. It was both repulsive and absolutely interesting. The way it happened right before their eyes as if they had the right to allow it to happen. To cage people and animals and use them like this. Castiel looked away and turned his attention to the carpet, red cashmere beneath his feet. _

"_I should concern myself with it, Castiel. You are more than my advisor. You are like a brother to me and I promised both of our fathers that I would keep you safe." Commodus said seriously, his words harsh, but there was a familiar warmth behind them. _

_Castiel just nodded, his own mind reeling from the fact that he indulged such protectiveness from his lord. His emperor. Others frowned upon it. He could see their evil gazes pointed at them. Whispering evil things in the marble corridors. _

"_Yes, my lord. You have my gratitude and loyalty for it." Castiel spoke after a minute of silence and being stared down by Commodus. It left him feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable. _

_The crowd went insane when the last gladiator remained standing after he killed the lion. Even from his spot which was so far away, Castiel could see the lion's nuzzle covered with blood. Dripping onto the sand beneath them. He frowned as the crowd wished for the gladiator to live. Rewarding him for his actions and the victory over the animals. Commodus stood up from his golden throne and moved forward. _

_All eyes were suddenly on them and Castiel felt himself withdraw into himself. His own mind running away from the brutality as the crowd cheered for life. That was this time. Next time they will seek blood and death. Commodus appeased them once again and gave the order to let the gladiator live with a simple wave of his hand. Castiel would have laughed at the absurdity of it all. The crowd went totally insane and cheered and praised Commodus. _

_His emperor sitting back in his throne and Castiel could feel the power roll off him. Blue eyes stared at him, reminding him so much of his father, Marcus Aurelius. He was a wise man and Commodus was young, but he could still be one. _

"_You need protection." Commodus suddenly proclaims and Castiel blinks at him in awe and shock. _

"_Why, my lord?" It comes out before he even thinks about it. He sounded so naïve. Like he didn't know what was going on in the dark. _

"_Because you are my advisor and one of the few people I trust. It brings you into the spotlight. Making my enemies your enemies." He suddenly stands up from his throne and starts climbing down it. _

_Castiel stood up quickly and followed him down. He could already see the guards moving. The dark soldiers, the ones who made Castiel fear the power of humanity and combat. The Praetorian guard was always controversial. They were the closest bodyguards of the emperors, serving them and protecting them, yet they assassinated them when they found it fitting to get rid of the ruling man. _

"_Of course, my lord. As you wish." What was the point in arguing anyway? It wasn't as if Commodus would just let it be. He always gets what he wants. _

"_I do wish it. And you shall have one of the best guards." Commodus moved down the dark corridor, strolling toward the exit. _

_Castiel just nodded, the others following close behind and he wondered whether they should hear about this. He didn't want an extra guard. He was quite fine with the prodding and sinister guards that were crawling through the royal palace and the entire Rome. Commodus was lucky, because he had the loyalty of the Guard due to his father's legacy._

"_Thank you, my lord." What else is he suppose to say?_

_Commodus smiles and stops, looking at the guards surrounding them. Castiel stops next to him and gazes at the marble ground instead of the death in the guards' eyes. The best ones and the most loyal ones stood in his emperor's personal guard, his to command and their only service was to protect. _

"_You!" Commodus startled him and pointed at some random guard, making Castiel look up. Following the long hand that pointed at the crowd of guards. _

_One stepped out. His hair almost the color of the dark sand of the arena and the eyes a wild clash of brown and green. His face stern and his posture hard and military as he stared at his commander. Saluting the emperor with his fist smashing against the armour. Castiel moved away from the threatening figure, the pure power that rolled of him a testimony of why he stood in the closest circle of the emperor's protection. _

"_You will guard Castiel." Commodus orders and there is absolutely no hesitation from the soldier. His posture obeying and stepping closer to the emperor waiting for his command. Hazel eyes clashed with blue eyes as Castiel out right stared at him. _

_Castiel wanted to pull at Commodus hand and say that it is not necessary, but he doubted Commodus would listen. He just stood there and let him appoint him this terrifying man as his personal guard. _

"_You will keep him safe at any cost!" Commodus ordered and the guard obeyed. The emperor nodding in satisfaction at Castiel. His measured steps taking him further down the dark hallway as the rest of the suite following him. _

_Leaving Castiel with the guard staring at him with a blank stare. Castiel nodded at him and wondered what he is suppose to do?_

"_Uh, what's your name?" Castiel asks as he starts walking down the corridor and following the retrieving suite. They had names, he knew that as a fact, but nobody ever used them._

_Which he could tell from the guard's slightly raised eyebrow and the spark of surprise in his eyes. Castiel was a human being and he thought to treat others as such. Sinister guard or not, he was still very much human. _

"_My name is Dean, sir." He says without any emotion behind the words. _

_Castiel nodded at him and gave him a faint smile as they joined the rest of the emperors suite. The horses and the carriage already ready for them. Castiel gazed at guard close to him, who was watching out for any danger from the crowd. His dark armour embedded with golden markings shinning brightly in the summer sun. _

_Castiel climbs into the carriage sitting next to Commodus, watching his new guard mount his horse as they started to move away from the giant arena. He couldn't help but wonder how this will work out or if it works out at all._

* * *

The meeting was getting longer than it was suppose to. The harsh voices spilling through the marble walls of the Senate hall. Everybody having their own agenda. Their own reason why they wanted something. The great emperor sat in his marble chair and just listened to the rabid voices. Dean never understood it. He never saw the need for such vocal politics. For everybody to shout at each other randomly. Could they at least be polite and take turns in screaming at each other?

Dean stood there, by the giant column, his eyes glued to the sight. Part of his attention glued to the little blue eyed man who was his lord now and who Dean needed to protect. Dean knew him, he saw him many times in the emperor's close vicinity. Some rumours spoke about them being brothers and family and some about them being lovers. Dean didn't care what they were as long as the pay was here and he accomplishes his purpose in his life. The very thing his father thought him. The very thing he was born for and trained all of his life. To be a Praetorian Guard and watching over the emperor and Rome.

The commotion started out to be too much so the emperor had to intervene. His powerful voice booming through the hall and making all the senators look at him and shut up. The sudden silence and the lack of great noise made his ear buzz. He sighed as the emperor told them to shut up and listen to reason. Dean figured they would listen to reason if the reason paid for them to listen to him. With the people in the white togas it was as about money and power. About their expensive houses in the country. About the power they had in the marble halls.

Dean found it annoying and he would never replace it for his soldier duty. The fighting and the battles making him feel more natural. More at home and ironic indeed, more at peace. There was a shift from Castiel as he leaned closer to the senator at his side. Why the little man was here, it was a mystery to Dean. He wasn't a senator, but a raging philosopher. Yet the emperor kept bringing him here and the senators couldn't argue. Dean narrowed his eyes as Castiel spoke in hush voice to the senator and then the senator nodded vigorously.

The emperor decided it was enough. Oh thank the gods, Dean thought happily. He will be left out of this damned place. The senators moved and he had to be quick. Not loose his protégée out of his sight. The last thing he wanted for somebody to kill the little man. He appeared at his side as the others of his colleagues formed their circle around the emperor. Their very presence scary enough not to let anyone not wanted near. Suddenly Castiel turned toward him and gasped. Dean blinked at him as he saw him startled.

"I apologise for starling you, sir." Dean says evenly, wanting to roll his eyes at the skittish man, but deciding against it.

He could have gotten used to the fact that Dean was there. It was the way the job worked. Be there and guard. But Castiel always seemed to forget he had company.

"It's alright." Castiel just waved him off with an awkward glance and rushed down the hall. Dean sighed and followed him, watching as the white toga dragged all over the floor.

The contrast of the dark floor against the pristine cloth making him wonder about how ironic it all was. These people wore white when all they ever did is spilled blood and ordered deaths to the not wanted ones. If that wasn't absurd, Dean didn't know what was.

"Castiel, wait!" a man with thick black hair ran up to him and pushed at Dean.

Dean sent him a glare that usually scares the rest of the people, but this bugger was hard to scare. Mostly because his father was a general in one of the legions and the boy inherited the powerful place in the Senate at a very young age. So much for the once extinct nepotism.

"What is it, Lucius?" Castiel asked, and Dean could swear he caught a faint hint of annoyance. It was so quick that he thought he imagined it, but he doubted.

Castiel might be a righteous and very arrogant bastard, he had a good sense for judging what kind of person you were. He caught up quickly on just how Dean took his job seriously and let him take the reigns in the security matters. Castiel didn't argue with him much, but barely three weeks passed.

"Oh, Castiel, I wanted to invite you at the celebration of my father's return. Another great victory in the cold north." The creepy Lucius said, with a whole level of fake politeness.

Dean remained stoic and not moving while Castiel hesitated. This was what surprised Dean the most. Castiel wasn't like the emperor or his suite of important people. He never enjoyed any of the celebrations they threw and he rarely went to them. Dean figured he only agreed to them to appease their emperor.

"Yes, I will attend it. Thank you for the invitation." Castiel finally agreed to it and made Lucius grin widely.

"That is splendid." He chirped and Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. The creepy Lucius explained to Castiel when it is and strolled away from them.

All kinds of happy because emperor's advisor will attend his party. While Castiel looked like he just swallowed and arrow. His blue eyes turned solemn as he caught a glimpse of them. Dean wished that he was allowed to say something totally inappropriate, but he doubted it would go well. Like suggest him to loosen up a bit and have fun from time to time. Not stick his nose in the scrolls and the scripts of raging lunatics. And half of them were already dead anyway.

But saying that out loud would bring him all kinds of trouble. So he just followed him as he exited the great Senate hall. The sun shinning hotly in the sky, making him feel the heat skimming across his skin. It was a really hot day.

Some time later, they arrived at the country house. The servants greeting their master of the house as Castiel waved them his greetings. He was always so polite with the servants which left Dean surprised. The room he was given was well furnished and even had a bookshelf. The bed was nice and not some wooden cot he was used to. And from the conversations with the other servants he found out that they were treated well too.

Even the slaves were treated almost as humans. The emperor looked kindly at the way Castiel behaved with them and never argued when Castiel mentioned the humanity they all had. Dean found it odd even though he felt good about being treated so well.

"Tonight we have to attend that party so you can have the rest of the afternoon to yourself." Castiel spoke to him and Dean nodded and said his thanks.

The house was safe. There were other guards so Dean didn't have to be on full alert here all the time. He could actually take a breath and relax all by himself. Or with some female company judging the look the young slave girl was giving him. His eyes moved from her to the retrieving form of Castiel as he entered the house hastily. Dean just stood there for a few moments before moving toward his room to rest.

Maybe even get himself cleaned up. The servants had their own place to get cleaned up while the master of the house had a smaller version of baths. It was always like that in the country side houses. The dignitaries needed to get cleaned up. After all they were dirty. He walked through the corridor and reached his room. He entered it and looked around. It was clean and actually warm. Far better than any room he had so far and far better than the military barracks.

He removed his armour and placed it on the couch in the corner, remembering to clean it up later. After his bath. Castiel let him use his bath which was quite an honour, but he figured he liked his guard all clean and smelling nice. He was allowed to use it after the master was finished with it. So Dean had to wait. He took of the rest of the armour, leaving the tunic on when he heard a knock on his door.

He turned around to see the slave girl that smiled at him when they got home. He greeted her with a friendly smile.

"Master sent me to check if you need anything." She spoke almost shyly and Dean licked his lips.

There might be one thing he needed. He cocked his head at her as she glided inside and closed the door behind her. He had his eyes on her since the moment he stepped into the premise of the house few weeks ago. But he was a professional. Trying to learn his new master's quirks and habits. To test the ground. Now, few weeks has passed and he could actually relax a bit. The girl was staring at him, her intention clear in her eyes and he smiled at her.

Two hours later he lay spent in his bed with a slave girl entwined around him. He felt confined and wanted her to leave when suddenly his curiosity got the better of him.

"May I ask you a question?" He asks softly, her body still warm against him. She just giggles at him and nods. He sighed and knew he shouldn't be asking these questions, but he wanted to know.

"What is master Castiel really like?" He doubted Castiel was this good toward his slaves and servants for no reason.

"He is what you see." She answered with a smile and then frowned. "An odd, odd man who likes philosophy and reason over everything else."

That was a given. Dean didn't have to be a smart man to understand just how smart Castiel was and how much he knew about the world around him. And it wasn't that he just knew about the world. He understood it and actually saw ways of making it better. Which obviously intrigued Dean. It really, profoundly intrigued him.

"He is very close to the emperor…" Dean starts and then stops, biting at his own tongue. He shouldn't be implying this. Not if he liked the place where his head rested at the moment.

"Yes he is. Our master isn't a very open person. He still doesn't have a wife and his bed is empty at night." The girl looked at him with an amused glimmer in her eyes.

Dean blinked at her, feeling both of his eyebrows raising up. Now this was weird. Castiel was a very attractive and quite a good company. At least to Dean's opinion. So why didn't he had a flock of women following him around? Or men if he was into that kind of things.

"So it is true? What they say?" Dean asks carefully looking at the girl lying next to him. Her blue eyes blinked at him and she actually shrugged.

"It's nothing official. Either they are very discrete with the love affair or nothing is going on. The emperor never even set foot in this house." She spoke in a whisper and Dean nodded, understanding it.

This didn't satisfy his curiosity. Not at all. It just served to fire it up and make him ask more questions. But if he asked more than she would get suspicious as to why exactly he's asking so many questions. he looked at her and moved away, climbing out of the bed. He knew it was close to sunset and that he needed to get ready for that party Castiel was invited too.

He pulled on his tunic and secured the gladius hanging from his belt. Some might think it was a bit over dramatic to go to the baths with a sword, but Dean learned that safety was everything. Who knows when he will need to use it? He excused himself to the girl and walked out of his room.

He walked down the dark corridor, already knowing where to go toward the baths. He gazed at the marble walls and basked in the paintings on them. Some familiar since they belonged to the myths and some so foreign. He figured that didn't matter because the master knew what was on them and liked them enough to keep them.

Dean walked across the yard, courtly greeting the other servants as he reached the baths finally. They were out of sight and the roof was built on the tall marble columns. The area above the pools was open and he could see the sunlight on the surface of the water. He could hear the water splashing and a frown showed on his forehead. Was somebody else allowed into the baths? He slowly moved around the column and peered around the corner of it. Gazing at the dark blue water swirling steadily around a figure.

Dean narrowed his eyes and after a moment he recognized the figure. It was Castiel. The master of the house and his protégée and he was naked. Dean blinked and stared. He just couldn't make himself look away from the slightly tanned skin that glistened with the wetness coating it. He should look away though. This was rude and perverted. He shouldn't be spying on his master. But he had to wonder. Why exactly this man was without a lover in his bed?

His body was lean and well sculptured, a body of an intellectual citizen of Rome. He even sported few markings on his body which made Dean curious about what they actually were. So what was the problem? Dean would bed him. He all but slapped himself for that thought. Where did it come from? Why would he even think that about his master? He rolled his eyes and looked away as the figure descended from the water. Dean looked back just in time to catch the wholeness of Castiel's naked body and he bit his lip.

Dean moved away from the column and slowly walked away, making sure not to make any sound while he walked. It was a good thing he came here barefooted so he was silent enough to reach the yard without being spotted. At least he thought he was. Hoping that Castiel didn't caught him watching him while he bathed. Dean's mind still fresh with the image of his master's naked body and he shook his head.

"Oh, hello." A familiar voice sounds from behind him and Dean jumps, startled almost to producing an embarrassing yelp. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

Dean just blinks at Castiel, his head probably shaking, saying that it was alright. Castiel was thankfully wearing the toga, but his skin was still glistening with the moisture from the bath. Dean produced no sounds and he cleared his throat so he can actually make some and don't come of as an idiot.

"It's alright. I was just taking a walk." Dean says, calmly and evenly as he gazed at the cerulean blue eyes. Bright with a faint hint of amusement.

"The baths are free if you wish to use them." Castiel told him and Dean nodded, not producing any sounds again while blue eyes watched him in wonder.

Then Castiel just nodded at him and walked away. His measured steps fast as he walked into the dark corridor and probably heading for his room. Dean let out a breath of relief and mentally slapped himself for being an idiot. Castiel was his master. Whether the rumours were true or not, he was still out of league. Not to be touched. Not that Dean wanted to touch him anyway. No way. He nodded at himself, fully intending on not to think about it anymore and headed for the baths to get himself cleaned up.


	2. Chapter Two!

**Title:** Aliquis ut me conservat 2/?  
**Author:** **angelicmercy**  
**Rating:** R, later chapters NC/17  
**Genre and/or Pairing:** Dean/Cas, angst, AU  
**Spoilers: **nope**  
Warnings: **slash, drama, schmoopy, AU!**  
****Word Count: **WIP (over 20000)**  
Summary: **_Castiel is a philosopher in Ancient Rome, the emperor Commodus' best friend. He sits at his right side and offers moral guidance as well as friendship. One day Commodus decides to assign Castiel with his own Praetorian bodyguard to protect him as the emperor's enemies gather up. Already at the start, Dean realises Castiel isn't like the rest of the citizens of the Rome. Actually he isn't like anybody he ever met. The heat between them is something neither of them can fight and soon they fall for each other. But the fate is not on their side as Castiel is to marry Commodus sister Livia and forget his love for Dean._

**A/N= I wish to thank you for all the great reviews! I suck at replying at them all because classes get in the way. But you people ROCK!!!! And I'm so sorry the update took so long! **_  
_

* * *

The air in the country side was quite fresh in contrast to the humid air of Rome. Castiel reckoned it was from the river that passed through the city. It brought a certain humid and wet feeling to the air that buzzed through the city. He breathed in deeply as he walked through the yard, leaving the baths behind him. And Dean to wash himself in private. The younger man was odd. Well, as odd as one soldier can be since Castiel didn't know many soldiers personally so he couldn't exactly judge. Maybe this was the usual behaviour for them.

Castiel walked into his room and lowered the towels on the chair when he heard the knock on the door. The eldest maid named Merula came in and brought his new clothes for the tonight's party. She was the mother of Niobe, Atia and Mascius, and wife to Timon who also served for Castiel. They were a family that Castiel and his father took in to work for them. They all did an amazing job of taking care of him after his father passed away.

Castiel smiled at Merula and she walked back out. He gazed at the pristine white toga embedded with dark blue lines. The rules for wearing clothes and colors on them were strict. He remembered how his own father thought him that only senators wore the pretty looking 10 feet long togas while the regular citizens either wore just white togas or the tunics.

Castiel would have preferred to wear a simple tunic, but he was a member of the emperor's suite so he had to look fitting to his own role. Especially when he came into the Senate. Which was more often then he would have liked. He took his house toga off and dressed up in the new clothes. The folding of the clothes was usually what bugged him the most. It had so many layers and he always had issues with folding it.

He finally did it when he heard another knock on his door. He hastily looked at the door and saw Dean entering. The younger man looked somewhat nervous while he slowly poked his head inside. Like he wasn't sure what he will find in here. Castiel looked at him with narrow eyes noticing he had his trusty armour on him and the long dark cape. Castiel was always impressed by the dark look of the mighty Praetorian guards. The rumours were that they were as sinister as they looked like. Though Dean had nothing sinister about him so Castiel started to wonder.

"It's almost time, sir. Should I go and get the horses ready?" Dean asked him and Castiel nodded, watching his hazel eyes avoid direct contact with his.

It was almost awkward in a way. Castiel wasn't sure why, but something must have happened while he was in the baths. Castiel put it aside for now, mostly because he wasn't sure why he cared so much anyway.

"You'll be accompanying me?" Castiel asked, not sure whether he needed Dean there. Though, truth to be told he wished Dean was there with him.

The roman parties never interested him and the promiscuities was appalling. He always found himself quite bored and his lack of interest bothered the hosts. So they kept on trying to appease him with different things. No one wanted the emperor's closest advisor unhappy at a party.

"Yes, of course, sir." Dean answered with all conviction in the world. A sense of intense relief washed over Castiel instantly and he nodded with a small smile.

"I will go and get the horses ready then."

Dean just said and excused himself. The dark cape following him as he exited the room and Castiel just stood there. He wasn't sure why he even went to this damn parties. Alright, Lucius was annoying and only asked him because he was close to Commodus. But a distinct sense of something else hiding beneath the surface was bothering him. Something was slightly off. He knew he should trust his instincts. Castiel put the silver family ring on his finger and was finally ready to go out.

Almost four hours later, he found himself wishing he had listened to his trusty instincts. They never failed him so far and he should have listened to them now. Castiel sighed as he knew this was not the place he should be. The decadence and the promiscuities bothered his own moral sense. Not that the rest of the people in this room had one to begin with. He frowned as yet another dancer passed him on the way to some old looking senator with extremely groppy hands.

The host another one of those dignitaries born into their wealth. Not really sure what to do with it so he went to battle wars for the glory of a victorious general for Rome. It really did seem that history repeats itself since pretty much all generals had only the glory and power on their minds while they slaughtered thousands of innocent tribes. His eyes moved to the host's son and he was still staring at him. Openly as a matter of fact. His dark eyes were focused on him. Something about them Castiel found highly disturbing.

It didn't just made him feel uncomfortable but slightly worried about what is running through his head while he stares at him like that. Castiel stole a glance at his guard who stood near the wall. Far enough to provide him privacy yet close enough to protect him. Only few long steps kept them apart and that made Castiel feel oddly secure. He turned his head away from the piercing eyes which were focused on something and looked at his glass of wine. The dark red liquid going warm in his hand.

Then he felt someone at his side as a wave of danger passed through him. Castiel looked up and glared at the obviously drunk Lucius grinning at him. Castiel rolled his eyes as Lucius just sat there without even asking permission. Castiel fought to remain polite so he smiled at him.

"Lucius... What a lovely party." He said with a fake smile and sighed as the man just smiled more widely. He never got the whole sarcasm thing after all. None of the less intelligent people ever did, Castiel thought amused.

"Very lovely..." He slurred out and Castiel noticed the faint glimmer in his eyes. His instinct kicking back in as he stole another gaze at Dean.

The sight of his guard fully alert with menace in his eyes focused on Lucius made him gasp. Dean took his safety quite seriously. Castiel could feel his body slowly relaxing as he knew that Lucius can be annoying all he wants, but one wave of Castiel's hand and Dean will throw him out of the window. And that will be emperor approved since Commodus told him to take care of any threat. It almost made Castiel smile.

Castiel had to also put aside that growing warmth in his own insides as he felt safe which he didn't for quite some time now. Since his father passed away and he was left alone. Of course there was Commodus, but he was too distant family for him. Being an emperor taking a lot of his time. Not to mention mood. But the growing warmth in his gut at the knowledge that Dean is there to protect him from anything made him smile softly.

"I'll be leaving soon. Commodus asked me if..." Castiel started talking when Lucius leaned in closer and put his hand on his thigh.

"What are you doing? No!" Castiel spoke harshly, his voice menacing as the little man apparently thought Castiel was in the mood for drunken moves of a lustful idiot.

Lucius just smiled at him with a dangerous glint and slid the hand higher when Castiel gripped it and pushed him away. His body getting a rush of adrenaline as his mind raced with all the insults for him. How could he ever presume Castiel would find this even remotely alluring?

"What do you think I'm doing?" Lucius raised an eyebrow and Castiel glared at him.

The little creepy man just didn't know when to quit it. He leaned again and Castiel found his face almost two inches away from his. Almost black eyes looking at him like he would devour him. Then like the salvation from the gods, Dean was there. A dark looming figure glaring at the smaller man. Castiel looked up at the fire in the hazel eyes and felt himself being burned with the stare. Castiel used his both hands now and pushed Lucius of him and threw him onto the floor.

"I said no." Castiel hissed at him as he scrambled up and moved to Dean's side. Castiel was pretty sure that Dean will nail him to the ground right about now, so Castiel placed a hand at his shoulder.

Dean was tensed from head to toe obviously since he didn't even move a muscle. Just challenged Lucius with his eyes to actually do something. Provoke him so he can clobber him. Interesting enough was that nobody even paid attention. Hazel eyes meet his and Castiel feels himself being drawn to the fire in his eyes as a moth to the flame. Lucius tries to get up, but Castiel looks at him.

"I think we overstayed our welcome. Let's go." He says sharply, tugging on Dean's shoulder. The last thing he wanted was a scandal and the rumours to go with it.

Castiel turns around walking away from the scene and out through the massive wooden door. The house was beautiful, but the people in it disgusted him. He could only hope Dean wouldn't stay and engage in a fight with Lucius. Though something told him, Dean would follow. Wherever he went. The cold air finally hit his face as the servants opened the door. He stopped at the marble steps and turned around.

Just in time to bump into Dean who was closer than he thought. Dean waves his hand in front of him to stop from falling down.

"I apologise." Dean spoke hastily and Castiel shook his head at him and moved his hands, waving with them.

"There is no need to apologize." Castiel smiled at him because the wide hazel eyes gazed at him like he committed a felony. A strange man indeed.

Castiel looked around the yard and wondered where the stables where. He clearly remembered the servants taking the horses toward the south part of the house. At least he thought they did.

"Are you looking for the stables, sir?" Suddenly Dean asked and Castiel blinked at him. He nodded swiftly wondering whether the man could read his mind or some other wicked thing.

"Yes, I am." Castiel said and shook his head. The gravel beneath his feet made rough noises as he walked across the yard. Quite intent of finding them on his own.

"Well, sir, I can saddle the horse for you." Dean offers and follows him across the yard. Castiel turns around and smiles at him.

"No need. I can saddle my own horse, thank you." He tried to sound not so annoyed with the assumption that Dean thinks he is like one of the airheaded patricii. Nobles who don't even know how to wear a toga and need servants all the time.

As a matter of fact, Castiel is not actually of noble birth. His father came to Rome from Greece at the invite from Marcus Aurelius. It was an invite due to his father being a philosopher and Marcus Aurelius was always very fond of the Greece and it's cultural aspects. His father helped him with teh study of Greek philosophy and language while Castiel entertained the young emperor. It was a blessed time for his family.

Castiel learned a lot and they never feared about being hungry or alone. Castiel's mother died when he was three so he didn't really remember her much. He was just left with his father who tried his best, but without a wife it was hard. So they just moved to Rome and he was grateful for his good upbringing. He was also grateful for having a family as well. Commodus being almost like his brother now.

"Sir...?" a hand on his shoulder made him turn swiftly as he blinked at his guard. Hazel eyes gazed at him in wonder and slight worry. Castiel just tilted his head at him and wondered why he called for him. "You were lost in your thoughts, sir. The stables are that way."

Dean just pointed in the other direction and Castiel nodded, smiling slightly. He truly got lost in his own mind. It tends to happen to him. Dean now went first and Castiel followed him into the stables.

* * *

Dean didn't know what to think. The party was a disaster and that creepy bastard Lucius made it all bad. Though Dean had to wonder why his master didn't respond to the courtship. Alright, the drunken groping was not a courtship, but still. Lucius was a patricii of a wealthy and noble origin. His father a general in the Roman army. Why would Castiel risk so much with not wanting to fraternise with him.

He walked through the stables and shook his head at his master. The man always managed to loose himself in his own thoughts. He was a philosopher so he probably was able that satisfaction of not being aware of the things around him. Dean was a soldier and he was suppose to be vigil all the time. It was one of the greatest things his father taught him. Always be ready for anything.

Castiel wanted to saddle his own horse and Dean let him be. Maybe he wasn't a complete fool. Well he did sat at the right side of teh emperor, but Dean always thought it was because he was pretty and the emperor kept him as his lover. But apparently not.

Dean watched as Castiel greeted his horse Midnight and took the saddle of the handle. There were no servants around the stables because they were all at the house. And no one actually noticed they left. Castiel put the saddle on the horse's back and secured it. Dean did the same to his horse, but kept an eye on Castiel the entire time. Watching the way he mounted the horse and ran his hand across the horse's head.

Dean was slowly starting to see what exactly their emperor saw in the little philosopher. There was something incredibly alluring about him. Dean shook his head to chase away the thoughts away and mounted his horse. His eyes once again wondered of to see how Castiel is doing. He isn't looking because he is so interesting in him personally, but his well being. He had to keep an eye on him, he was his bodyguard.

Yes, that was what Dean told himself. He wasn't actually looking forward to realising that he actually held an interest in the philosopher and his master. No. That would be simply stupid. Castiel stroked the horse and guide it out of the stables. Dean followed him closely, watching out for any threats. That idiot Lucius could be up for a rematch. He looked back at Castiel and was suddenly met with sharp blue eyes and his head tilted slightly as he gazed at him.

Dean thought that his master had the most curious eyes in this world. At least the most curious ones from what he saw so far.

"You are always this vigilant?" Castiel asks him softly with a faint smile on his lips. Dean just nods and guides his horse toward the main gate.

The gate were massive, but nothing comparing to the ones that could be usually seen in Rome. He grand arches and gateways built by the emperors. Dean loved all the war stories his father used to tell him. The grand victories and the conquers of the men who used to rule the main city of Rome. Who helped built the Roman Empire and create the glory that it was today. Of course, this required so much blood to be spilled.

The ride across the empty streets of the ancient city was silent. Both men awfully quite as Dean watched his surroundings for any looming danger and Castiel just watched his surroundings. Oddly enough Dean felt like he was being watched. The soft hair on the back of his neck raising and he caught Castiel staring at him. Then when he caught him, Castiel just offered a faint smile and looked away.

Dean blinked at him, left to watch the back of his neck as they rode. Dean itched to ask Castiel questions and get the answers he so desperately needed to calm his curious mind. But how could he even dare to ask personal questions?

"I'm sorry you had to go to this boring party with me." Castiel spoke too suddenly and Dean almost missed it. "But I'm glad you were there to intervene with Lucius."

Dean watched him, nodding his head. He meant to say it was his job to do so, but he figured it would be redundant to say. Dean noticed it in the way Castiel held himself around the servants. He never failed to express his own gratitude for something they do for him. which was clearly unusual because masters were usually selfish bastards who paid no attention to their servants.

So just maybe Castiel wouldn't get mad at Dean asking stupid, way too personal questions. Dean frowned as he was faced with Castiel's back again and licked his lips.

"May I speak freely, my lord?" He starts, hesitation way too clear in his voice. It even sounded uncertain and that bothered him.

"Yes you may. Always." Castiel turned around and slowed his horse so they rode side by side. Blue eyes watching him and waiting for the words to come out of his mouth.

Dean was doing the same. Just waiting for the words to form in his mouth and sound. How was he going to ask this?

"Why did you reject Lucius?" Ah, yes. He could always got straight to the point and just hang himself.

Dean expected many things. Lightning striking him, Castiel hitting him or telling to fuck off with stupid questions. But he never thought he would laugh. It took few moments for him to figure out what Dean asked and then he just started laughing. Quite hard for that matter. Dean blinked at him, probably staring at him as if he just saw a spirit.

"You're a funny one." Castiel remarked as the first laughing fit ended. "Lucius is an idiot. The only reason he even wants me is to get close to the emperor."

It was obvious that Castiel was neither insulted or annoyed by his question, so Dean decided to dig deeper. Because as usual with this wicked and damned things, his curiosity wasn't sated. Not at all.

"Perhaps he believes the rumours?" Another too deep and too personal one and Castiel only raised an eyebrow at him, looking like at first he didn't know which rumours.

"You have to be more specific about which rumours. The ones where the emperor is my lover or is there a brand new one?" Castiel actually smirked at him, looking thoroughly amused by his perplexed stare. "I never seem to be able to keep track of them. The circles get bored so easily and it's really hard to get acquainted with each new rumour that passes through the city."

Dean caught on the slight irritation, but it wasn't aimed at him. It was aimed at those who start the stupid rumours. And Dean could relate to that. It seemed as if the people in the city did nothing beside gossiping. Hence why Dean disliked the grand city of Rome sometimes. Rome was his home and it will always be, but sometimes, just sometimes, it was hard to live in it.

"I apologise, my lord. It really isn't my place to ask about your relationship with the emperor." Dean said quickly, knowing he went too far. It was one thing to ask Castiel personal questions, but a whole other thing when he stuck his nose into his business with the emperor.

Besides why did he even care? It's not like he saw anything remotely erotic between them in the past weeks he took on his duty of guarding the man. But they were close and that was what the people saw when in public.

"It's alright. You are a free man, you may ask all the questions you want to ask. It's my choice if I answer them or not." Castiel spoke and looked up at the dark sky above them. His soft sigh pierced the air around them and Dean noticed this really bothered him. "He lost his brother when he was little. His twin brother which was sad and tragic. His father didn't know what to do so my father thought of us playing together."

Dean watched his face closely as Castiel talked. His words making Dean wonder why he was telling him this. Dean never knew this had even happened. It was apparently kept as a secret and he had to wonder why Castiel was telling him that. Maybe because he just asked him. The blue eyes, sad with what looked like memories, gazed at him and he felt a shiver run up and down his spine.

"We were the same age so it wasn't difficult for us to become friends. But that's what we are now. We are friends who grew up together." Castiel ends his speech, watching intently. Probably waiting for his response.

Dean has to look away from the piercing blue eyes that just seem to stare right through him. He looks at the road ahead of them and continues to listen.

"I don't understand why people look for something epic in such a story." Castiel asks a question which almost sounded like a rhetorical one to Dean.

"People are strange." Dean manages to say after what seemed to be an awkward silence. It was obvious Castiel was waiting for a comment from him.

Blue eyes gazed at him in amusement and Dean felt the urge to smile, but he didn't. it would be just weird if he started smiling now. Dean still thought about what he could ask him next. Another taboo question, that's for sure. Though he wasn't sure why he was even so curious. And he also felt sorry for him because the man never seemed to have fun. Which, in Dean's humble opinion was so damn sad.

"Why did you even go to the party if you didn't want to? I'm sure a man of your position can pick the parties he will attend." Not to mention that he was old enough not to go at any parties he doesn't wishes too. He had his freedom while Dean had to follow him around.

"You sure are curious…" Castiel says, but there is no menace in the voice. He just seemed to be still amused and a little surprised that Dean was asking these questions. "That is not a bad quality. Curiousity is how we learn. And yes, I could have declined, but then people would start asking questions why and I didn't want to come of as being antisocial."

Dean raised an eyebrow at him. The words sounding quite ironic, because that is just what Castiel turned out in the end. Completely antisocial and in no mood for drunken courtship. His horse made a sound and he gazed at the dark road that lead out of the city. Soon they will be home. Strange, since when did Dean thought of Castiel's place as his home? He shook his head at that silly thought and returned his eyes to his master.

"But you are antisocial. At least that is how it looked in the end." Dean said, stating the mere fact and the logic he followed. He may not be very educated, but he knew Castiel was.

Dean's eyes lock with Castiel's and he can see the slight narrow. Dean swallowed the slowly growing lump in his throat as he figured he crossed the line now.

"True. I do not indulge in the promiscuous behaviour and therefore I'm antisocial." Castiel just said simply and looked away from Dean. His eyes ending on the road ahead of them.

"I am sorry, my lord. I shouldn't have said that." Dean frowned deeply and shook his head.

Then Castiel did the oddest thing and chuckled. He honest to gods chuckled and Dean blinked in shock.

"Yet you did." There wasn't any accusations in those word. "I'm quite aware that my ways bring a lot of curiosity and gossip from other people. But things are the way they are and I'm not about to change my life so people would talk about me more nicely. Being different isn't necessarily wrong."

Dean found himself nodding vigorously at that. Yes, he was right. Dean was prodding into his private life wanting to find out what is wrong with him. Just because Dean was used to one type of people who are far less interesting, doesn't mean he was allowed to annoy the one who actually caught his interest. He looked away from his master and focused on the dark surroundings. The full moon providing a soft illumination as the stars glimmered over them.

The horses were taking their time apparently, but Dean could already see the house in the far distance. Castiel's country house wasn't so far out of the city, but it seemed as it was. He held onto the horse's reigns and kept his silence in the lonely night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title**: Aliquis ut me conservat 3/?

**Author**: angelicmercy LJ

**Rating**: NC/17 overall, this one PG

**Genre and/or Pairing**: Dean/Cas, angst, AU

**Spoilers**: nope

**Warnings**: angst, schmoop, boys kissing

**Word Count**: WIP

**Summary**: Castiel is a philosopher in Ancient Rome, the emperor Commodus' best friend. He sits at his right side and offers moral guidance as well as friendship. One day Commodus decides to assign Castiel with his own Praetorian bodyguard to protect him as the emperor's enemies gather up. Already at the start, Dean realises Castiel isn't like the rest of the citizens of the Rome. Actually he isn't like anybody he ever met. The heat between them is something neither of them can fight and soon they fall for each other. But the fate is not on their side as Castiel is to marry Commodus sister Livia and forget his love for Dean.

A/N: Written with the help of Caz2y5. I'm sorry for such a long hiatus, but my uni and the student revolution got in the way!

"_I should like to lie at your feet and die in your arms."_

* * *

Castiel wasn't sure what to think anymore. Dean certainly did know how to ask the delicate question to which people didn't want to give a proper answer. Castiel knew it was wrong of him to hold any resent over what Dean said and asked. Of course the man was curious. Castiel always kept to himself and didn't really allow anybody close enough. He even kept Commodus at some distance from himself. He was thought to be that way. To distance himself from the others. He was a young boy when he found out the meaning of loneliness.

The house smelt of warm bread and cooked meat. The servants had already dined and Merula offered both him and Dean something to eat as they walked into the house. Castiel smiled at her and nodded in appreciation. Castiel really ate little at the party, not so fond of the food he found there or actually having an appetite. And he knew Dean didn't get anything to eat because he was too occupied with watching over him. Good thing though because Castiel obviously needed a bodyguard to get rid of annoying Lucius.

Castiel lead Dean to the lounge room and sat down at the small couch. The lounge room also served as a dinning room so there was some fruit left on the main table behind the couch. Castiel pointed his hand at the remaining two free couches and Dean sat a bit uneasily on the one far away from Castiel. It was as if Dean was being suspicious about being asked to sit with Castiel because the servants usually ate in the kitchen and not in the dinning room.

The scarlet padding soft against Castiel's fingers as he leans closer to the end of the couch. His eyes glued to Dean as he gazed around at the frescoes. Castiel himself picked this house because it had beautiful wall paintings and had a warm feeling, almost like home to him. The paintings were a combination of the third and fourth Pompeian style and they showed various landscapes and myths. It was like a big, colourful story on his own walls.

"My lord, you don't have to…" Dean began and Castiel gazed at him. His head snapped to him and he noticed how Dean jerked.

It was a faint, almost unnoticeable move, but Castiel saw it because he was looking for it. The clear sighs of Dean being so nervous in his presence.

"I'm here because you are clearly affected with my words and I wish to clear that." Castiel says softly as Timon comes in with the wine.

Castiel's eyes moving from Dean's as he looks at the servant and smiles. Timon sets two glasses and fills them with sweet red wine. Castiel smells the familiar, slightly sour tang of the wine and thanks Timon for bringing it. His eyes moving back to Dean's which were staring at the wine in the glasses. Then Timon turns around and tells them he will attire for the night and Castiel nods. They won't be here too long so Timon was free. The plate with food arrived after him, Merula smiling at them both. Various meet and vegetables smelled so nicely on the plate and Castiel smiled at her. Merula was the best cook ever, he even liked her cooking better than the one in the palace.

"I had no right asking those questions, my lord." Dean says softly as if he was apologising. Castiel shook his head, but Dean couldn't see it so Castiel sighed and spoke.

"Haven't I already told you that you may ask any question you like? My will is whether I will answer them. It still stands." Castiel had to wonder what happened to the boy to be so fearful. On the other hand, they were all learned to submit to their masters, so Castiel truly shouldn't be surprised about the fact that Dean tried so hard to please him.

Ah yes, the life of a soldier was quite hard and Castiel suddenly felt empathy. His chest tightening at all the possible bad experience that Dean had in his life. He shouldn't be doing this however, feel so much empathy with his servants, with pretty much anybody that had any innocence in them. The emperor always chided him about it. But as always with Castiel, he was too curious for his own good. Somehow, talking to this man he realised Dean was also curious.

"But I was curious and I offended you, my lord." Dean began once more, his eyes slightly wide when he finally looks at him. Probably not understanding why Castiel wasn't raging with anger at Dean for molesting his private life with questions.

"By implying that being different is wrong?" Castiel rose an eyebrow, not sure if Dean even wanted to imply such a thing in the first place or it came out unintentionally.

"My lord, I would never…" The hazel eyes dark from the lack of light were wide in slight fear. But Castiel could see beyond the veil of the hazel eyes. Realisation was quite astonishing.

The fear was makeshift. A clever disguise of a well trained soldier to show his master just what he wants and Castiel saw right through it. He was serving it to Castiel on a silver platter. Which made Castiel very amused. Because people who served him shouldn't fear him. Castiel was a servant as well, just a better positioned because he was closer to the emperor's throne than anybody else. So there was no hierarchy in which he was higher than they were.

"Do you think I would punish you?" Castiel asks teasingly, but keeps his voice at a calm and serious tone. Wanting to see teh reaction the man will give him.

Dean's eyes cast downwards, not wanting to meet Castiel's gaze. Even if he was playing the part of a fearful soldier, he was gave no direct implication that he indeed feared the punishment from his lord. Castiel tilted his head and leaned forward. He moved the glass to his lips and took a sip of the red vine, his eyes never leaving Dean's bowed head. He notices that Dean has yet to touch his glass of wine.

"And I suppose you think there is poison in that glass of wine?" Castiel asked again, more amusement flowing from his voice and Dean responded to the change. Castiel raised an eyebrow as he realised Dean was observant enough to catch the change in his voice.

"No, my lord, I would never presume such a thing." Dean says seriously, but Castiel knew there was something in the way he said. Something in that slightly deeper tone of voice he used that made him feel eerie.

Hazel eyes gazing at him in almost like a challenge and Castiel came to a sudden realisation that this was a warrior before him. A man who faced armies of barbarians and enemies of Rome and came out as a winner. The man raised the glass to his lips and took a sip, hazel eyes burning in the dim light and Castiel felt something in the pit of his stomach. Something as dark as well as bright and it reminded him of summer. Dean licks his lips as he moves the glass away and Castiel can't help but stare at those pouty lips.

"Ah... I'm never sure nowadays. People always liked to poison other people." Castiel tries to avert his own mind from the path that it was slowly gliding toward. The long forgotten sense of lust and the need.

Castiel takes a breath as he lowers the glass to the table, deciding to quit with drinking while he was still sober and sane enough not to do something stupid. With his own guard that Commodus appointed to guard him.

"Yes, sir. That is true. Our grand history is full of it." Dean nods and Castiel looks at those lisp again wondering what they would taste like. He shakes his head abruptly and grabs his glass, drinking teh rest of the wine in two big gulps.

He looks at Dean who is now watching him with intent eyes, hint of amusement at the corner of his lips. There he goes with the lips again. He should go to his room and go to sleep alone as every night. But that was the problem, wasn't it? He was tired of being alone all the time and the longing just ate him up. He was quite sure even Commodus caught up on that fact since he once again mentioned it would do good for Castiel to take a wife.

And Castiel indeed would if he were to meet an amazing woman that would just take his breath away. One who was beautiful on the inside and outside. Who had a mind of her own and was not afraid to say what she thinks. Someone he could trust and let his guard down and make him laugh. But he still had to find such a woman.

"It's getting late, I'm sure you're tired." Castiel says and moves to stand up, feeling the effect of the four glasses of wine. He smiles as he hears the voice of his own father telling him how he was always such a light drunk. He sways a little bit before he grabs at the arm of the chair and sighs.

"My lord, are you well?" Dean moves as well and suddenly there is a warm presence at his side. So warm and comforting. Nothing like when Lucius got close.

He looks up at hazel eyes so bright and vivid and he wishes he was like that. That he had a soul as bright as vivid as Dean had. Because under the entire exterior of an amazing soldier with control and power, Castiel could see who really Dean was. A caring man who was capable of making everybody laugh. He saw him each day while he spoke with the rest of the servants in the house. It felt like he had no worry in his world and that laughter came so easily as it bubbled out from Dean's lips. Those so pretty lips.

Castiel leaned into the solid warmth and touched his hand to Dean's chest plate. The golden lines swimming before his eyes with the way the light fell on them. Castiel looked up again in those hazel eyes and saw amber lights playing around the clash of brown and green, making Dean look so young. Those lips moved again and before he even knew what he was doing, he leaned in and tasted them. Pressing his lips against Dean's and sighing as he realised he was wrong. They didn't just feel warm. They felt smooth and so soft and tasted of wine and summer.

He closed his eyes as he drowned in the taste and feel of the man when he realised Dean was frozen against him. Then the realisation hit him. He was kissing his own guard, drunk on four glasses of wine. He moves away and sways in his attempt to get as far as he can. Strong hands pull at him, grabbing at his arms and hip and they pull him back. No doubt saving him from the fall and utter embarrassment.

"I'm sorry..." He starts mumbling apologies for the molesting. He had no right to do this to his own loyal guard who was nothing but a very amazing protector. He had no right of using him like this.

"Don't..." He hears Dean say and blinks in shock at the man. He could see the way shock and something that could be called lust perhaps burned in those eyes. "Don't say you're sorry."

Something snaps in those hazel eyes and it's like fire when Dean kisses him. Castiel really didn't see it coming so he gasped when those warm lips pressed against his. It took him a moment or two to actually respond while Dean's tongue licked over his bottom lip. He gasped and parted his lips, pressing closer to Dean's body. Not sure whether it was for balance or the heat was too alluring to get away from it. Maybe it was both, he thought with a smile when the slick tongue licked at his lower lip and slid between his lips. He produced a soft mewling sound and felt his body melt against Dean's when those strong arms pulled him closer and his own moved around the broad shoulders. Moving over the metal plates on his shoulders and into that hair that was the colour of the sand in the arena and tangled his fingers in it.

There was a gasp from somewhere, but he wasn't sure who made it. The sound so foreign to his ears that he couldn't place it anywhere. His tongue slid over Dean's and the heat exploded in Castiel's brain and body. Dean's lips moved from his and he kissed over Castiel's jaw. Making Castiel's head tilt back as goosebumps rose over his skin. Teeth scraping all the way to his ear where husky and deep voice sounded so delicious it made shivers play up and down his spine.

"I'm yours to do what you want me to, sir." The words made him shiver before he fully registered them. Dean's lisp started sucking on his neck and Castiel groaned.

Sir, he called him a _sir_. This man was his guard and he was now pleasing his master. Making up a mask of a perfect lover for him and all ready for Castiel to use. But he couldn't. He felt himself sobering up a little at the disgusted thought of Dean not really wanting this. Rape. It felt like rape to Castiel. He shook his head wildly and pushed the man away.

"No!" This is the second time this night that he said that word. Though he meant it both times, he actually felt himself wanting the armoured man. "I'm not your master and you're not my slave. I'm not using you for my own perverted pleasure."

He was pretty sure he was yelling, judging by the shock on Dean's face and the way he took a step back. The fire still burning inside of his body and the longing more stronger than ever, but he will not lean into the temptation of a seemingly willing body. Castiel glares at the man and feels his heart pounding strongly in his chest.

"But you're not..." Dean starts, obviously finding his voice, but Castiel was having none of this.

"No. I'm not like those people who use everything and everybody like it doesn't matter. Like there are no consequences, like people aren't people but some twisted puppets." It was an explosion in his head and he didn't know how to stop the oncoming wave of emotions and words kept falling from his lips. "I will not just take what I want from a man who thinks this atrocity is his duty!"

He felt sick to his stomach and he knew he wont be able to control it much longer so he just rushes by Dean and runs down the hallway. Leaving the man in shock no doubt, but he just couldn't take it anymore. He knew he was weak and a coward and he did what he swore never to do, but he had to run now. Run as fast as he could from the presence of that man.

Castiel finds his room and storms inside, slamming the doors shot behind him. He takes in a deeper breath and slumps against the doors, feeling the weight of the world land on his chest. Castiel tried to reason with himself, explaining to his mind that this wasn't a big deal. It was just a misunderstanding. Something he did while he was drunk on wine and on the sensation of loneliness. He was overreacting and he was behaving like mindless idiot. He was suppose to be the rational one, yet he wanted the ground to open up and take him. He sighs as he buries his face in his hands and fears what will happen in the morning when he has to face his guard again. Because this went too far. He already felt some kind of affection and want toward the man with hazel eyes, but that man had duty toward the emperor to guard him and Castiel will have to forget about any feelings of longing.

* * *

Dean expected many things tonight. He was a soldier and he was trained to withstand any given situation and problem. But by the mighty gods of Rome, he never saw this coming. The little man was nothing like he first thought he was. He was capable of reading any human being and give out a decision on whether they lied or were enemies, but Dean just couldn't read the this man. Then Castiel went and turned the tables on him. Reading him so well as if Dean was an open book. It was unnerving yet so intense and crazy. Those blue eyes looking right through him and for some scary reason, they liked what they saw because Castiel kept pushing and looked amused by it all.

As a soldier he never had that. He was always a mask of perfect obedience, loyally and a high class of fighting. Giving people exactly what they wanted and looked for him to do. But with this man, he was failing. He failed at moment one when the man was nothing but a confused friend to a powerful emperor. And now, Dean completely failed. It was exhilarating, though Dean will never admit it publicly. The sense of someone looking so deep inside of you that they get you gave Dean shivers all over his body. But then Castiel started fidgeting and everything went a bit hazy from there.

One minute he was holding the boy of his master and trying to save him from smashing his head against the marble floor, because what would the emperor say when Dean says his friend hit his head and died while drunk on wine. Then the next, he had a pair of the softest lips he ever felt pressed against his. Dean froze. His body going rigid in a shock and he couldn't even think. The image of Castiel's naked body bathed in water and heated from the steam haunted his days and nights and now was playing very vividly in his mind.

It all ended before he got time to respond properly. Castiel pushed away and Dean almost whine with the loss. The man swayed dangerously and Dean pulled him back against himself. Holding him tight and then Castiel started apologising. Dean didn't want any apologies, he just wanted those lips again. He wanted to taste them and bite at that pouty upper lip that drew him mad till Castiel moans. He just had to do it.

He did it on instinct, that primal urge to claim another person as yours and make them writhe against your own body. He kisses those lips and drinks in the gasp Castiel produces. The man responds to his kiss and it's like Jupiter strikes him with a lightning bolt. His body coming alive as Castiel opens to the kiss and Dean licks at the bottom lip. Tasting wine and forest and just drowning in it all. Drowning in Castiel. He made so many women and men moan with reckless abandon, but it never sounded so good as when Castiel mewled.

It must be some spell. It must be Venus herself doing something here because the moment Castiel's tongue touches at his, Dean is gone. Lost forever in the arms of this man and he realises he very much shouldn't be. This shouldn't be happening. Castiel was his master and Dean was just his servant, guard. Dean's place was with other servants, but Dean could very well share Castiel's bed. If the master wished so.

"I'm yours to do what you want me to, sir." He says against Castiel's ear, hoping Castiel would realise that he wasn't pushing him into anything. That he wasn't thinking that he meant something more to Castiel.

Dean never even realised what kind of a mistake he just did. It felt as if the lightning bolt turned from very good to awful and Castiel tore himself away from him. Word i_no_/i registered in his mind and Dean could feel his heart sink onto the pit of his stomach. Then it felt like a tidal wave. Words kept falling from Castiel's mouth and Dean barely kept up. Part of it was due to teh fact that teh sight of a flushed and flustered, angry Castiel did strange things to his lower regions and part of it to the fact that Castiel just implied that he thought Dean saw this as his perverted duty.

What did just happen? Dean wasn't sure what to think anymore. Clearly Castiel wanted it, but he didn't want Dean to whore himself out to his master. Dean didn't believe that Castiel really thought of them as equal. It was ridiculous, right? But with everything Castiel told him tonight and the things Dean witnessed with his own eyes, he really should have known better. And suddenly it all made sense. Castiel's bed was empty because nobody wanted to share it with him because they felt affection toward him or true deep need.

It was so insane and disbelieving that Dean couldn't help but laugh. Dean was indeed a loyal man, trained to do his duty, but wanting that crazy little man was no duty. It was a need and a longing and he should inform Castiel of that particular issue. This most definitely wasn't any duty that he felt toward the emperor. But by the time he thought of all that, Castiel ran away. he had to give him credit. He sure ran fast for a man who was drunk. Dean feared he might run into a wall, but no he ran fast down teh hallway without any interruption till he found the room.

Dean knew he will have to do something now and he has to do it really fast before everything goes to waste and Castiel overanalyses it with his oversized brain. He speeds down the hallway till he reaches the master bedroom and knocks on the door. He would just barge in, but Castiel would probably just get pissed at that. So he knocks again when he hears a muffled sound.

"What?" It sounded so close to the doors and Dean had to wonder if perhaps Castiel was sitting pressed to the door.

"We need to talk." He says hopefully Castiel will be rational enough to at least let him explain.

"There is really nothing to talk about." Castiel says almost with a sharp edge to his voice and Dean rolls his eyes.

"There really is, Castiel. Now open the door and let me in." Dean says with a smile on his lips and a sharp tone of his voice.

Seconds tick away and it feels like days before the doors slam open and a wide eyed Castiel stands before him with a frown on his face forming in matter of seconds. There was still some heat clouding those bright eyes, but Dean could also see fear. What was Castiel so afraid of? If Castiel wanted Dean then Dean won't be complaining at all because Dean wanted him as well. but the little man was obviously crazy so Dean has to make it clear properly.

"I resent the fact that you just called me a whore." Dean says frowning slightly at the man, but his voice remained amused as he watched those expressions change on Castiel's face from pissed off to shocked. "I may be capable of doing anything for duty and my emperor, but fucking precious gems that the emperor appointed me to guard is not on that list."

The shock on Castiel's face was so amazing that it made Dean smile in triumph. He was no doubt getting laid soon. Or thrown out of the house. Either way he was screwed and he figured this was worth loosing your head over. Besides, he knew Castiel would never do such a thing as order the death of him or throw him out of the house. Castiel just didn't have it in him. The humanity of this seemingly not human man was beyond anything Dean has ever seen. It was amazing and Dean was addicted to it.

"Excuse me? You said..." Castiel starts and Dean cuts him of with a sharp wave of his hand.

"I know what I said, but you don't know why I said it. I want you and I know I'm not allowed to want my master so I figured you wanted us to be clear of what I am to you. That's why I said it."

It was so clear to him, but he didn't know whether it will reach Castiel's rational mind. Especially in this state of utter panic. Because that was what Castiel was obviously doing. Panicking like a professional.

"What?" Castiel blinked at him in confusion and he realised this won't get far tonight. He will leave Castiel to his own thoughts and just go to bed. Alone.

"See, I'm a loyal soldier and I will do my duty and guard your life. But be sure that when I want something or someone, it is because I want them. It's no duty at all." He moves closer and stands right in Castiel's personal space, gazing at those madly blue eyes that looked like they were stolen from Venus herself. "And I always get what I want, Castiel."

He winked at the man and turned around when those lips parted in a gasp and those blue eyes glazed over with heat. Letting him think about what he just said. He strolled down the hallway to his room, smiling as his hand touched at his lips, still feeling the soft tingle Castiel's lips put there.

* * *

A/N: I just want to thank you all for the great reviews and I promise the next chapter will be up within two weeks. Cheers!


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Aliquis ut me conservat 4/?

**Author: **angelicmercy

**Rating:** R, later chapters NC/17

**Genre and/or Pairing:** Dean/Cas, angst, AU

**Spoilers:** nope

**Warnings:** slash, drama, schmoopy, UST

**Word Count:** WIP

**Summary:** Castiel is a philosopher in Ancient Rome, the emperor Commodus' best friend. He sits at his right side and offers moral guidance as well as friendship. One day Commodus decides to assign Castiel with his own Praetorian bodyguard to protect him as the emperor's enemies gather up. Already at the start, Dean realises Castiel isn't like the rest of the citizens of the Rome. Actually he isn't like anybody he ever met. The heat between them is something neither of them can fight and soon they fall for each other. But the fate is not on their side as Castiel is to marry Commodus sister Livia and forget his love for Dean.

**A/N:** See, I'm a good girl. Updated within good time. Many many awesome thanks to angelshandprint at LJ for the amazing beta work and putting up with my retarded grammar mistakes. YOU ROCK!

* * *

Castiel lay in his bed as the first rays of sunshine touched his skin. He was dumbly staring at the ceiling and he barely blinked. He hadn't slept for the whole night. Not that much of the night had been left for him to sleep at all, what with the awful party and the events that had followed it. The events that kept replaying in his head over and over again. It was maddening, and Castiel felt his blood boil as his mind raced, overanalysing everything. Again and again. It was something he was so good at, but the problem was that with all the analysis he did, he sometimes forgot to simply act.

The world was complicated enough and Castiel was just complicating it even more. True, sometimes things weren't as they seemed at first sight, but Castiel was always a good judge of character, hence the emperor held him so close. The footsteps at his door broke his train of thoughts. Raising his head, Castiel watched the door with weary eyes as the knock sounded and startled him a bit.

"Sir? Are you awake?" It was just Merula. Probably checking on him after last night and making sure he'd got ready for the meeting with the emperor.

"Yes..." He said, not sure whether he even wanted to go to the damn meeting. His head was in a million places and nowhere near any politics right now. "But make sure to send a messenger to the palace and tell them that I won't be coming today. I'm not feeling quite well."

It was a lie. He was feeling quite well, but he really wasn't in the mood to face the emperor right now. Or any of those senators from last night's party. He'd already figured the palace was filled with rumours of what happened between him and Lucius and Castiel just didn't want to discuss it.

"Should I call a healer?" Merula sounded truly worried and he smiled at the maternal affection. She was always behaving so motherly toward him and he liked the touch of care in it.

"No, I'm just tired from last night. Barely got any time to sleep." He answered honestly and shook his head. It had been his own fault.

"Alright then. I'll let the messenger know. You rest." She said and he could hear the soft footsteps move away from his door. He sighed and rolled over on his side and buried his face in the pillow.

Then there was another knock at the door and his head snapped up.

"Yes?"

"You alive in there, sir?" Dean's voice rang through the door and Castiel blinked twice before his head cleared.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just sleepy. Didn't get much sleep last night." This shouting from the bed to the door, it was ridiculous, but Castiel felt safer from that man with a wooden surface between them.

"I bet." There was a slight chuckle in that tone of voice and Castiel frowned. What the hell was that supposed to mean? "You're going to sleep some more? Merula told me you're not going to the meeting, sir."

Castiel raised an eyebrow, not sure what he was supposed to say. It was clear that Dean was the reason why he was so flustered, but he just didn't want the man to know that.

"No I'm not going to the meeting. I'm too tired."

"Alright, sir. Rest well." Dean just said and walked away from the door.

Castiel breathed a sigh of relief, but he also felt disappointment, and he wasn't sure why, because he was adamant of not getting involved with his own bodyguard, who had been appointed to him by the emperor himself. He couldn't help remembering what Dean told him last night, though. The man had obviously known what he'd been doing. Castiel wasn't blind, he had seen the way the maids were looking at Dean and he was more than sure that he'd taken to his bed at least one. And that made Castiel jealous, which was insane, and completely wrong. Why would he even be jealous?

Dean was an amazing soldier, all power and beauty, of course it was no wonder that there were plenty of women surrounding him, and plenty of those who had been taken to and left his bed. Would Castiel really have been different had he not stopped things from going on last night? He sighed into the pillow, aware that there was no way he was going back to sleep. Not with everything that was currently playing in his head. There was so many directions one's mind could go so this would just drive him crazy. He should just man himself and get up. This was barely a problem and he was blowing it out of its proportion.

So Castiel found himself strolling toward the baths, holding his towel close to his chest. He was still lost in his thoughts when he heard the sound of water sloshed. He looked down and the first thing he saw was perfect tanned skin glistening with steam and water. His heart stopped as the familiar sand-haired head turned around and hazel eyes met him. Castiel truly didn't mean to stare, but he was failing at it. His eyes followed the trails of water travelling over the broad muscled chest that looked like it had been sculptured by Phidias himself, and further down-

"Oh, good morning, sir." Dean greeted him and Castiel looked up only to see a smirk on Dean's lips. The lips that would no doubt bring Castiel doom. "I thought you were resting."

"No..." He said, trying to sound collected and calm, "I'm finished with resting."

Dean then nodded and moved his fingers through his wet hair, making the water swirl around him, dangerously as it drew Castiel's eyes to what lay beneath the water. He _would not_ stare. He commanded himself and tried to stand with the resolution, but as every weak man, prone to be a slave to his own lust, he looked. And what a look that was. But then Castiel snapped his eyes back to Dean's. That was the safer route.

"I thought you would be sleeping longer." Dean said and he held no remorse at all, which Castiel was grateful for. He was grateful that the masks they'd been wearing had finally fallen.

Castiel had already explained himself that Dean was welcome to use the baths at any time, but perhaps Dean hadn't got him right. Baths were available for use after the master of the house had used them first and deemed it was alright for others to. Maybe Dean got confused about that.

"It is alright. You are free to use them _anytime_ you want." He said flippantly and looked away when he heard the sound of water splashing.

Then Castiel made a mistake. Or it was actually the best thing he ever did in his entire life. His eyes flickered over to Dean, who was climbing out of the water. Castiel blinked as his gaze remained fixed on the perfectly sculptured body of a soldier. This man could put to shame Phidias himself. He licked his lips when suddenly Dean stood to his full height and Castiel could see the man's entire naked body, his sturdy limbs, firm and well-proportioned, the lines of his lower body, curved and sharp at all the right places. Castiel almost groaned at the hunger that exploded in his belly. His entire body heated up and he could feel his face flushing as Dean strolled toward him.

"Is there anything else you need me for?" Dean's lips moved and Castiel barely kept his eyes on those eyes and lips. The sound of that voice and that glint in Dean's eyes were downright sinful.

"No. No, you... You are free." Castiel barely stood on his legs as the lust flared through him. He forgot why he had rejected Dean in the first place.

"Alright then." Dean simply nodded and walked past him.

It took all of Castiel's will not to turn around as he heard the rustling of the fabric. Dean was probably getting dressed because walking around the house naked would cause a big commotion. Not to mention Castiel would probably swallow his own tongue by the end of the mid-afternoon. Castiel shook his head and jumped when he felt Dean's presence behind him.

"My lord, you look flushed. Still not feeling well? Maybe you should go back to your bed." The voice was husky and downright seductive and Castiel barely kept himself together as warm air tickled at the back of his neck.

"No... I'm fine." He said, trying not to sound like he just couldn't control his own urges. He was a damn philosopher. He was rational. Plato would be absolutely appalled.

But that word bed sounded so damn good on Dean's tongue and Castiel just had to remember his own oath and everything would be fine. There would be no molesting of his bodyguard and that was final. So of course he ended up watching Dean walk away and let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. It was so stupid, but he couldn't. He just couldn't.

The night came so slowly. The hours dripped away and he mostly kept to himself. He was working in his study, reading through yet another philosophy script, but he couldn't focus and he found himself re-reading the same paragraph for at least a dozen times. Never did he think that his world was to slowly start falling apart the next morning when he finally got to the palace and spoke with the emperor.

* * *

The gods were kind to him today, pleasantly leaving him in the house as Castiel said he was too tired to go to the palace. Dean was really starting to dislike that place. He never really liked it in the first place, but he had to serve there as a member of the Pretorian guards, which meant he was supposed to be right next to the emperor. But now he had grown fond of the country. The fresh air, no gossipers and constantly being on guard over who was watching you. And mind you, someone was always watching. It was disturbing and eerie and Dean hated it.

The events from last night were vivid in his mind when he woke up. He knew he had to go and check on Castiel. It wasn't the fact that he felt guilty in any way, but perhaps he came on too strong. He remembered how Castiel responded to Lucius's advances, but then again, Lucius was a creepy little bastard. Dean certainly wasn't creepy toward Castiel. He merely stated a fact to the flushed man. He grinned at the memory of Castiel's face when he told him he wanted him. Dean had to admit, there was something so alluring about those azure eyes clouded with heat. He concluded that he just needed a good invitation from Castiel to proceed. He would never push him into anything like Lucius had tried, so he was just going to wait for that one hint of an invite.

Dean sighed as he set himself straight and grabbed some towels. He needed a good bath to wash away the crazy lust he was feeling. He strolled over to the baths and memories of spying on Castiel as he bathed came rushing back and Dean could feel the slow tingle of his body. Really, he never felt such maddening desire for another person. It was wild and it made him do crazy things. Such as coming onto his own master and implying he wanted to sex his brains out on a kitchen table.

Alright, perhaps he hadn't implied exactly that, but he truly wanted to do exactly that and he feared that perhaps Castiel knew and that was why he'd avoided him. He took his tunic off and placed the armour on the table, neatly and careful for it not to tumble onto the floor. He walked into the luke water and purred in relief as it started cooling down his aroused body. He was so caught up in his cleaning that he missed the hurried steps behind him.

Now one would be angry at oneself because a soldier should never ever be caught unrepeated and with his back vulnerable, but it was difficult to be anything but stuck dumb. There he was. Blue eyes watching Dean with acute interest and a bit of shock, but mostly with something that would even make Venus blush. Dean noticed how the eyes hungrily gazed at his body and he couldn't help, but preen a little. This was what he wanted, was it not? A proper response from Castiel.

Dean noticed how Castiel tried to give retorts and he even told him that the baths were free to be used anytime, which meant that that rule of going to the baths only after your master never applied here with Castiel. He climbed out of the water, looking at Castiel and noticing his open stare. He grinned a little as he moved to the table with his tunic and armour. The man stopped staring and Dean could clearly see the way his back was tensed. Dean licked his lips and sauntered over to Castiel, standing close to him and actually smelling the faint aroma of musk and fresh flowers.

Merula had no doubt changed those flowers on Castiel's table, a bunch of new summer flowers that were now making Dean relate Castiel to summer.

"My lord, you look flushed. Still not feeling well? Maybe you should go back to your bed." Dean spoke those words in what was his best come-hither voice. Really, it made even the strongest of women fall down in his bed.

It was a true miracle that this man was still standing even as those dark eyelashes fanned over his blushed cheeks. Castiel dismissed him and Dean almost started pouting. He just nodded, realising that perhaps Castiel needed more time. So Dean shall give him more time. Besides, it wasn't not like he had to do anything else apart from keeping an eye on Castiel.

* * *

It was all in a fog still. Castiel reached the doors of his estate and went inside the house without a word, not even aware that Merula even spoke, but he knew the news will be known soon enough. Castiel reached his room and closed the doors, sliding slowly to the ground as the shock wore off. The realisation dawned on him and he took a deep breath as his chest constricted. He was getting married. He was getting married. To the emperor's sister Livia. It was insane and stupid and completely wrong.

And Castiel couldn't breathe. He knew there was nothing he could do. He hadn't been able to reject the emperor's match to his sister and he had gone well ahead and already announced the marriage. Castiel felt sick to his stomach. Livia was not a match for him. She was a manipulative woman who only wanted fame and wealth and the power that came with it all. How do you live in a wedlock with such a person? Commodus thought they were perfect for each other and he wanted Castiel to be officially a part of their family. What family, Castiel had to wonder. Family didn't do this to each other.

Castiel knew that the emperor only wanted good things for him and he wanted him to finally have a family of his own, but it wasn't what Castiel wanted. He had never once in his divine glory gone and asked Castiel what he wanted. Arranged marriage with such a woman was not something he wanted. He bit his lip as he watched the sun set again and wondered when everything had gone so wrong. He could run of course, but that was something he was thought to never do. He couldn't do this to the memory of his own father and mother. All roads led to one destination. A marriage he never wanted.

It was well into the night when Castiel finally emerged from the room and walked to the kitchen. He was finally hungry and his stomach settled. He slowly padded through the house and reached the kitchen, which had still had a light on. Castiel looked around and saw Dean sitting at the table. Eating bread, grapes and drinking something. He gazed at the man and suddenly envied his freedom. Hazel eyes looked up at him and Dean stood up.

"Sir?" Concerned voice interrupted the silence of the night and Castiel kept gazing at the man. "Are you well? We were all worried about you."

Castiel could vaguely remember Merula knocking on his door, but he had informed her that he'd been alright and that he would come out eventually. Knowing Merula, that surely hadn't been enough, but she'd backed away anyway, letting him have his space.

"I'm... hungry." He wanted to say so many things, but the words just weren't coming out.

Dean nodded and turned around, no doubt getting food for him. Castiel would argue, but he couldn't do that either. He felt hollow and dead and such a bloody coward. He could have said no. Of course the emperor would have disliked that, but if he had been so bound on being a family and considered Castiel a brother, then he would have damn well listen to him. But Castiel had been a coward. He had feared loosing everything because he just said no. That was the problem. He never had anything and now he had a home he actually wanted to keep. Castiel hadn't wanted to loose a good friend in the emperor, so he'd just said thank you.

"Sir?" Hazel eyes suddenly swam before him and Castiel blinked, jerking away in shock. "I apologize for startling you, but you looked... You looked lost."

Castiel watched those hazel eyes gaze at him and he couldn't stop thinking about how just days ago he had seen fire and heat in them as those honey like lips had kissed his. Suddenly the problem of the bodyguard who wanted to have sex with him was such a ridiculous problem. He looked down and saw Dean holding the plate with bread, meat and potato for him.

"Merula knew you would emerge from the room eventually so she kept a warm plate for you." Dean said and Castiel felt his heart break. That woman was just magnificent. Truly like a mother to him. She would be disappointed in him when she found out what he had done.

"Thank you." The desire to eat faded away slowly, but he still took it from Dean and walked over to the table. He sat down in the chair and breathed.

Dean moved in his peripheral vision and sat down at his spot, watching him. Castiel could feel those eyes on him, but he just stared at the food on his table. A real homemade meal. Memories started rushing through his mind and he wished everything had been different. He would never have a home and family with Livia. His life was pretty much ruined now.

"I'm getting married." Castiel blurted out after what felt like hours of silence and staring at the meal in front of him.

"Oh, sir. Congratulations are in order then." Dean said, but as Castiel looked up at him he saw no real excitement about it. Pretty much it summed up the way Castiel felt.

"I would say thank you, but there is nothing to be thankful for." When did he start to confine in his own guard so much? It was as if he felt he could do it with Dean.

His hazel eyes watching with rapt attention and Castiel never looked away, facing the challenge. He wanted something. Anything that would make him feel like his life wouldn't end in three weeks.

Judging by the expression on Dean's face, he didn't understand and Castiel really didn't want to explain. What was there to say anyway? It wasn't like Castiel wanted it. He rarely wanted things in his life and lately the only two things he wanted were peace and quiet. Well, actually that was a lie. He started wanting a certain hazel-eyed man who had stormed in his life and created a great commotion. And made him start to wonder about things.

Philosophy was simple, although it might look difficult to take in. But it was truly simple in its own sense. Humans tended to complicate everything and so we all ended up with more things on our hands than we could actually handle. Rationality was important and impulse behaviour was frowned upon. Humans however, were clearly creatures of impulsion, of primal desires and wants that drove them insane. Some called it love, some called it lust and some said it was both. But Castiel had to forget all of his lusts and desires and just think straight.

"It's arranged. Commodus wishes me to marry his sister." Castiel said and felt his chest constrict again. His throat clenched and formed a lump that made it hard to swallow.

* * *

Dean didn't understand. One moment everything was fine and he was waiting for Castiel to emerge from the emperor's study room and the next Castiel stormed out with no word and just locked himself up in his room when they came home. It was really weird, but Dean figured it was just Castiel being Castiel. Little did he know that the man will drop such a shock on him in the middle of the night.

The man just walked in and Dean was actually happy to see him fine and well, in one piece. Dean knew Castiel was crazy and when he god his dark mood on the injustice in the world and how poor people get treated, so Dean was worried. Hence he stood in front of his doors for three hours. Of course Merula asked him to check on Castiel, but Dean was about to do it himself. Dean couldn't exactly pinpoint the moment when he started to care about Castiel, but he was pretty deeply involved with it now. Sure, he wanted to press that lithe body against the wall, and taste and feel that perfect skin he knew was just under the toga. But it was becoming something more.

Those blue eyes looked so lost and broken that Dean just wanted to pick up the pieces and mend him back together. He shook his head on it and asked about his welfare instead. When Castiel said he was hungry, Dean knew what to do. That was why he is still up and about. Merula had left the plate for Castiel when he got out of the safety of his room and faced the world. And Dean wanted to be there when it happened. Because he just didn't know what had happened. What could have possibly upset Castiel this much?

Castiel took the plate and sat down, and Dean realised something. His blue eyes held no spark anymore. They were almost grey and he thought it was because of the dark, but he could recall when it had been really dark yet Castiel's eyes had blazed with fire. Then Castiel told him the reason of his turmoil and Dean was almost too shocked to respond. Something in his chest was dying slowly as the air suddenly tensed. He vaguely remembered himself congratulating the man, but wasn't really sure what he had said. Maybe something bad because Castiel looked as if he wasn't happy.

Dean stood up and went straight for the amphora with wine. This conversation needed liquor. Dean felt pain in his chest, but he ignored it. He was not in love with the man, why should he even care about his arranged marriage?

"I envy your freedom, Dean." Castiel suddenly spoke from somewhere close and Dean turns around to see him standing right there, next to him. He was holding a cup in his hand and offering it for Dean to pour his wine.

Dean just laughed at Castiel's words. He wasn't free. He was a soldier of a crazy emperor and a guard to Castiel. That was no freedom. He couldn't go anywhere he wanted. Dean had always liked that when he'd still been a kid. His mother had taken him all over the Roman Empire and the life on the road had truly suited him. Then she had died and Dean had been shipped off to his father who then had trained him as a loyal soldier to the emperor.

"I was never married, but I doubt it's a death trap. People do it all the time." Dean offered some humour to resolve the growing tension as he poured the wine in Castiel's cup.

Castiel gave him a look that could only be described as 'then you do it'. Dean knew he shouldn't laugh at the misery of his master, but it was Dean's coping mechanism. Just like Castiel's was to lock himself into a room and overanalyse it all.

"I doubt anybody would be happy in an arranged marriage." Castiel grumbled as he drank his wine, blue eyes still at the shade of dull grey.

Dean wanted to say that not everybody got what they wanted, but he doubted that would make Castiel feel any better. He wanted to offer some form of comfort, but he figured it wouldn't help.

"You can always get drunk..." Dean suggested and raised the amphora of wine.

Castiel raised an eyebrow and sighed. It was probably not the best idea, but if Dean knew something, that was how to deal with crap in his life. Drinking and having sex was how Dean usually dealt with his problems. Nobody said it was healthy, but it was definitely working.

"There isn't enough of wine in this world." Castiel mumbled and finished his cup.

Dean chuckled and shrugged, not sure why this was such a problem. Alright, he was marrying to a really crazy woman and it wasn't his own wish, but he will at least have a family and he wouldn't be alone. Even if Dean never showed it, he hated being alone all the time. It was probably the reason why he loved this house so much. Here one felt like home.

"I envy your ability to go after what you want." Castiel said and Dean blinked at him, not understanding what he meant by it.

"That's hardly the reality in my world." Dean said and Castiel stared up at him with his big blue eyes. They looked so sad and lost.

Dean for some reason just wanted to embrace the lost man and tell him that the world was a wonderful place and that everything would be alright, but he doubted Castiel would appreciate the lies.

"It will be hard to pretend. I don't think I will be able to do it." Somehow this sounded so honest. But why would Castiel even want to pretend?

"You can always say no." Dean offers, shrugging as he filled their cups with more wine. "You said it yourself, the emperor is like a brother to you. I'm sure he will understand if he wishes you well in life and this makes you miserable."

It made sense in Dean's head, but somehow saying it aloud and combining it with Castiel's snort, Dean figured it wasn't as easy. Dean slowly sipped his wine, not wanting to risk the sense of a drunken haze. He might not pay attention well while in such a state and he knew Castiel demanded his attention right now.

"I risk a lot by doing that. Besides, it's not like I ever wanted anything for myself." Castiel said and looked away, the tone of his voice and the way his brows frowned gave away a sense of guilt.

Dean ended up shocked for a second by Castiel's exclamation that he never wanted anything for himself. Not that Dean ever thought Castiel was one of those wealthy patrician that got everything they wanted, but Castiel could get some of the things he wanted.

"I doubt that. Every man and woman and child desires and wants. That's the great philosophy of life. Every man wants something in life, even when he buries it too deep for even himself to understand." Dean said and finished his glass of wine when blue eyes gazed at him. Something was stirring inside them.

Dean considered himself a simple man. He was a soldier, he wanted to do his job well and so he did. When he grew older, he wanted a nice house and perhaps a good wife to care for his sorry ass.

"Oh I want. But I can't have it." There was challenge in Castiel's eyes, one that said that his words were carved on stone and could not be changed. But Dean knew better.

"What do you want?" Maybe Dean could help him getting it. That question suddenly made Castiel's eyes blaze with something so incredible that it made Dean gasp.

"I want _you_."


End file.
